One day, when I was talking to a friend, he said – It’s so difficult to be happy nowadays. I asked, Why? Just be grateful for all that you have and happiness comes naturally. He said – it is tough. when u hear that people have 2 international vacations and your kids are doing local ones.

How can you be happy? When you hear that your friends from college are earning double triple the salary you are making? You feel you are no good. You feel so negative. It seems like life is down in the dumps. No matter what I do …. I will never be rich like my friends. I was born simple and I will die simple.

Does this sound familiar? We all have this conversation going on in our heads all the time. But why? Does it help us in any way? Let’s find out.

In today’s age and time, when we have social media feeds at our fingertips and people are constantly posting about their vacations, parties, and celebrations., it gives us a picture that the other person has it all. He or she is having a dream life while I am the one who is lagging behind.

And obviously, it is not a good feeling. We don’t want to be left behind. We want to experience all those places and have all those gifts we see in the pictures because we associate happiness with all those things. And in situations when we can not have them we feel unhappy, we feel we are not good enough, and have a sense of jealousy towards that person posting the picture. We feel he or she has it all, while I don’t because, At the moment, we forget all the good experiences that we have had too.

First, let’s understand why this happens. Are we indeed jealous of the people who have it all? Or is it something much deeper? Let us understand jealousy a little better. My understanding of jealousy was very construed until I got a clear picture by listening to sister Shivani. She, in her own unique way, explained very simply the nuances of the emotion of jealousy. Why do we feel it? What are the drawbacks of feeling unhappy when others did well? She also gave ways to overcome it.

Once I understood it well, I started to practice and soon noticed a shift in the way I looked at the success of others. I became a part of it. I celebrated it, like my own success. It is so obvious that once you make success your friend, no one can stop you from being successful.

Suppose one day I am scrolling through my social media feed and a picture pops up. One of my college friends, let’s give her a name, Sanjana, is being awarded the best entrepreneur award. Now, what would be my immediate reaction? Oh my God! Even she made it in life. I don’t think she deserves it. She was not that good in college. And I am stuck here at my job where there is no scope to rise. How come ppl make it that big? I wish I was in her place. etc etc.

Now, let’s close our eyes for a moment, and think, that in place of Sanjana, some other friend, say Riya, was getting the award. Would my thoughts be any different? Give it 2 mins and think. You will soon realize that your thoughts remain exactly the same. That means your thoughts are independent of the person. Now that you realize that your thoughts are not directed at the person receiving the award, then what are they directed at? They are directed toward the very act of an award being received by someone other than you irrespective of the person receiving it.

They are directed towards someone else getting more successful than you. Basically, your thoughts are directed at success. Anytime, anywhere you see someone succeeding and you will have the exact same thoughts of jealousy. So you are not jealous of the person rather you are jealous of success. Just imagine, the very thing ie success that we crave for so badly in our lives – a little deep dive and we realize that we are jealous of that itself.

Now think for yourself, what kind of a relationship will you have with someone you are jealous of? Jealousy is a very negative emotion and you are constantly radiating that energy toward that person. That relationship can never thrive. In the same way, when you are jealous of someone’s success you are creating a negative relation with success itself. Please understand, that like this you can never be successful yourself. So appreciate with all your heart every time you see success.

Initially, you will not feel like it. You will feel it’s fake. You will not feel happy. But it’s ok. Trust me it’s absolutely ok. I have been there and done that. Even if you know it’s not real just pretend to be happy. Basically, you are reprogramming your mind. You are changing an old pattern and it’s going to take time. So it’s absolutely fine. Eventually your mind will get used to the new command – Be happy when someone does well. And that is the time, you will start feeling that genuine happiness when others succeed. And that is the time when success will come to you naturally.

Now again, it’s easier said than done. Earlier I would not feel happy when others succeeded. In fact, sometimes I would get so upset that it took me days to get over it. I would judge them and their success. They didn’t deserve it. I am much better than them. etc etc. But once I understood that in order to be successful I have to first learn to appreciate success – no matter whether it’s mine or someone else’s. I practiced it. Very consciously I practiced it. I would catch myself judging others or feeling uncomfortable when they succeeded and corrected my thoughts. I would try and feel happy even if it was uncomfortable initially. But I persisted. Then eventually I realized that it became a habit. In fact, when I started feeling genuinely happy for ppl I was very surprised initially. Oh my god, I am actually feeling so happy. And imagine that state where you don’t need your own success to be happy. Every day you hear at least one thing about someone being good at something. And you are happy. So you are almost always happy.

So here are some beautiful facts that I learned from sister Shivani that helped me practice appreciation for others.

• Jealousy Depletes Life Force Energy – The most important thing I learned from Sister Shivani was that whenever we question someone else’s success, it depletes us of the very precious life force energy. Jealousy is a very negative emotion and when every cell of our body experiences it we feel drained. It lowers our immunity which is our first and last line of defense against diseases. This life force energy is required to heal us. Now ask yourself, is it worth it? No, right? So we might as well change it.

• Success vs Happiness – If you experience any negative feelings when others do well, it is a sign of insecurity that arises from a wrong belief that the one who does well is superior and much happier. Have one thing clear – We are not bad people that we feel jealous of others. It’s just that we want to be happy after all, because that is the innate nature of the soul, and since childhood, we have learned that the one who is successful is happy. Sister Shivani makes us understand that happiness and success are two different things. Achievement does not make someone else a better person than you or much happier than you. Success is a result of their efforts, sincerity, destiny, and past karma. Happiness is a result of inner contentment. We all know of highly successful ppl who were not happy. So please don’t confuse the two.

• Meditation – Another important practice that I learned from sister Shivani was to meditate. Meditation helps us establish the connection with the divine powerhouse, which is the ultimate source of all life force energy. Once the soul is fully energized by meditation, it gets the strength to see the good in others naturally. Then you can very easily co-operate with others and appreciate them. You will find that you will start to see their efforts and will celebrate their success as if it were your own.

• Believe in Self-Worth – Another change that happens once you start meditating is that a beautiful inner peace sets in and we become more connected with our true selves and start believing in our self-worth. The powerful realization that I am special and unique in this world and have my own distinct qualities. It immensely uplifts our feelings and the way we look at ourselves. It is only when we truly understand this about ourselves and experience deep inner positivity about who we are and how important we are, that we stop comparing ourselves with others and feeling jealous of them.

• Give out Blessings – The next lesson that I learned from sister Shivani was to always bless people. She emphasises on the fact that it is in giving that we receive. So always give out blessings. Bless people that they do better and better in their lives. Make it a habit. This is actually a game changer because whatever we give comes back to us multiplied. It might not come from the same person you had given to but it will come. Very soon you will realise that life is rewarding you with immense success you had never imagined. Don’t take my word for it. Practice it and you too will vouch for it.

• Life is not a Race – We often feel jealous of someone when we have a sense of competition towards them and we want to overtake them in everything they are good in. This constant race makes the soul extremely tired and robs us of the treasures life has to offer like peace, joy, love, and contentment. I learned a very simple fact from sister Shivani that in life their cannot be any competition as we are all unique. We all have our own past karma and unique qualities and hence start at different footings from each other. We cannot compare ourselves with anyone else. This msg was so simple yet profound. From the time I understood it, I just strived to be a better version of myself each day instead of focusing on others.

I hope you can relate to the pointers I mentioned and you are motivated enough to give them a try. Please do share your experiences in the comment section below.