I had my brush with overthinking when we moved cities and I was away from family. On the surface of it, I enjoyed the new setup and everything about the new city, but deep down there was a lurking fear of being alone. I didn’t know anyone in the city and being in a foreign land with a 3 months old gave me goosebumps. Now it might seem like a very trivial thing as almost everyone has to change cities and move here and there for work. So it was nothing new that was happening to me. But here I was with my mind going all over the place.
I would cook up all sorts of scenarios in my head of what all could go wrong and since I knew nobody in the city how would I even get to know about it was my biggest worry. If my kids would fall sick I would lose my mind over the lack of support I had. Any bang or a thud would make me panic and I would run from room to room with my mind visualizing images of my kids getting badly hurt. While walking on the streets, doing grocery shopping, commuting, etc I would always keep thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong.
Such a simple thing as moving cities made me go through this whirlpool of thoughts. The worst part was it was never-ending. I was thinking constantly as if working on a solution, but all I was doing was churning in circles. I would say, I was not even in a state to find a solution.
So overthinking can really get the better of you. Leaving you heavy-headed and mentally tired.
If you look at what just happened, it seems strange that something as insignificant as changing cities could spiral into such a mess in one’s head. I feel it’s not about the issue or how small or big it is. If we get stuck in the overthinking loop, it just seems that we are living inside it. Going deeper and deeper. When I look back and contemplate, I feel I always had this habit of overthinking. Whether it was my exams or the health of my loved ones or anything for that matter which is not going according to plan.
We live in a world where we’re constantly bombarded with information and distractions. It’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and worries. Overthinking is when we get stuck in a loop of negative thoughts that we can’t seem to shake off. It’s like a downward spiral that leads to more stress and anxiety. When we think too much about our lives and ourselves, it can actually be counterproductive and make things worse. Our brains are great at problem-solving and gaining clarity, but when we can’t stop analyzing, it can become a problem.
If you tend to overthink things, it can be hard to recognize that this is a problem. You might convince yourself that your worries are justified and that you need to keep thinking about them in order to find a solution. It gives us the illusion that we’re doing something about the problem. We believe that we need to think about the various causes and solutions, to get to the bottom of the issue. But the truth is that overthinking doesn’t lead anywhere, because we often get trapped in the cycle of analyzing, rejecting, and reconsidering different possibilities. It rarely leads to productive solutions. Instead, it often takes us into a negative spiral and makes us feel even more overwhelmed and stressed. We often think that it’s just about this problem that we need to solve and that’s it. Once I get through this, then my life will be sorted. Then I can relax. But as soon as you move out of it, or even while you are at it, new problems and worries are lurking around the corner to keep your brain churning. You are thinking hard about the problem, trying to solve it, ruminating about it, only to realize that you are still as stressed as you were when you started off.
It’s amazing how our brains are wired to think and reflect on things. Being able to analyze and question our own thoughts is one of the things that sets us apart as humans and has helped us achieve great things. However, too much thinking can actually backfire on us and diminish the power of our wonderful brains.
The important point to understand is that the problem we are trying to solve, like moving cities in my case, is not the root cause of overthinking. It appears that way. Had it not been for the new city, I would be ruminating about something else. Overthinking is in fact a RESULT of anxiety.
Then the Question arises, why do we have this anxiety?
People often experience anxiety related to various aspects of life such as money, work, family, relationships, aging, and stressful situations. However, it’s worth considering whether these factors are the direct cause of anxiety and overthinking. You would have noticed, Some individuals can handle significant financial or family pressures without feeling anxious, while others may experience anxiety despite the absence of an obvious trigger.
There is no single thread to explain what causes anxiety. Based on the research studies conducted on this topic, there are 3 key factors influencing anxiety.
First one is Genetics. Research on the topic, suggests that while genetics plays a part on how anxious a person may be, it can only explain a small fraction of it. And moreover, this is not something that me or you can directly change. But its good to know that Genetics is not the defining factor and only has some influence.
The next one is our environment. Our family history, friends, past experiences, lifestyle and so on. A traumatic experience in the past can hound a person for life, making him or her very prone to anxiety. The environment is not just about the past events. It also includes our immediate state. Our own insecurities about our capabilities. Our relationship with some people. Our home. Our office. A stressful environment can result in anxiety. Stress isn’t necessarily a negative thing. In fact, “eustress” or positive stress is a healthy level of pressure that motivates us to be at our best. It keeps us on our toes and helps us to rise to challenges. However, when stress becomes too intense and persistent, it can exhaust our psychological resources and make us feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. It’s important to recognize that to thrive, we don’t need to avoid all stress, but rather find a balance that’s best suited to our individual needs.
Deadlines at work, office politics, a bad relationship, financial concerns – the list goes on. Life is stressful. It’s a part of our daily world to experience pressure, challenge, or discomfort. But if it’s persistent and overwhelms our ability to cope and thrive, we can find ourselves exhausted and depressed.
So far we have looked at the 2 main factors that affect our anxiety.
- Our genetics – our innate nature and biological factors.
- Our external environment, which can be our past experiences, our current lifestyle, pressures in our lives etc.
The third one, and perhaps the most crucial one, is the MENTAL MODEL we have. It’s the self-talk. Its our inner dialogue. How we interpret things. Its the story we tell ourselves. How much stress or anxiety you feel, comes down to how you interpret the situation or the event. Two people under similar circumstances can exhibit completely different attitudes.
Why is this the most crucial of the three? Because we have control over it. Genetics is totally out of our reach. Our Environment can be changed to an extent, but not completely.
The third one – mental model – is something that we can have control over. How can we change our perception, our outlook to better manage anxiety and thus reduce overthinking?
How can we become the driver, and have control, rather than being totally driven by our situations or external factors?
To understand this, please check out this article, where we go deeper into this and understand some tools and techniques that can help us take charge of our mental models, our self-talk, and our perception of things. This, in turn, will help us cope better with stress, anxiety and reduce overthinking
